Get wit it

I have been in the weirdest spiritual funk lately. I’m not about to say “I have no idea why” because I know why. I’ve let my circumstance and fleshly desires take the pilot seat in my life. What I can’t deny is how alone I feel because I’m not pursuing Christ. My husband, my job, family, friends, nothing, can fulfill me. None of that will give me the peace I’m looking for.

Now, every time I think “Ok, today is the day I’m going to get serious,” I get lost. I’ve been a Christian for a long time now and have studied many books, done many Bible studies and been a part of many things to grow my understanding of God. But for some reason I get frustrated when I open my Bible or pull out the devo that’s been collecting dust; Yes, this is coming from a church staff member and pastor. I’ve become what I’ve always feared: a consumer. I get so frustrated with people at our church because they come through the doors, drink our tea, eat our donuts, hear the message and then leave. They don’t serve, they don’t go on micro missions, they don’t get involved in the prayer team or make meals for the hospitality ministry: they just consume. What I’ve realized is that I have become that person-maybe not in my actions but in my heart. I’m waiting for someone else to inspire me or for that “good feeling” to happen that will motivate me to pull out my Bible and “be a better Christian.” It hit me while I was in the shower. “Ashlie, stop being so freaking lazy and study the Word! Make a devo that YOU would want to work through.” So that’s what I’m going to do. I know exactly what I’m going to study. I was inspired just 5 seconds after I owned up to my laziness.

I absolutely hate the feeling of being so out of touch with God. It’s not that I don’t pray and pray for others. It’s not that I’m not reading Proverbs or listening to messages from my pastor. It’s that I’ve stopped learning about God on my own time. I can’t rely on other avenues to give me that relationship with Him-that’s between me and God only.

In the coming weeks I’m going to be studying a passage that reads almost like a nursery rhyme-which is really sad actually. I’m going to learn more about what love is and isn’t based on 1 Cor 13:4-7. I’ve been convicted to learn more about why the Bible says “love does not envy” and “love isn’t proud” and why “love is patient.” Why does the Bible say that? What is it about the heart of God-since God is love-that He would state these things and call us to be more...loving?

It’s time to step it up. Turn off the TV, get off the couch, stop playing with the dog and study. I know once I do, I will see so many things that I’ve been missing-things that will give me a fulfillment that nothing else can give me. Bring it Lord!