Bread

I believe I have discovered why I’ve been so restless in my walk with God. Lately (as in the past few months) my attitude towards my job (which is in ministry), my attitude towards people and my attitude towards God have been less than mediocre. I’ve felt like a piece of boring, bland bread. I did my quiet times, wrote in my prayer journal, listened to praise and worship, prayed over people, counseled people, did well in serving others... but there was just a fire and a flame that was gone. I hate to use the word passion. It’s completely over done. What was missing was desire. I literally had no desire to do much. It made me restless. It made me bored of my walk with God.

Tonight I met with my LifeGroup, a small group of women from my church who are my age. Some are married, some not, some with kids, some with jobs. Tonight, these women gave me an arena to do more than just talk about the Word and more than just listen. What was different?

Questions were being asked.

There were few questions that were answered. In fact, one question usually led to asking another one. By asking the second question it led to a better direction of where the first one should go. Something triggered in me. Excitement! For months I had been legalistic in my walk with Christ. I had pains, trials and frustrations that come with just living but I wasn’t searching. I wasn’t looking into Gods Word and questioning anything. Why? When you question something you face the possibility of being wrong. You face the possibility that you may never find the answer. You may never know and leave feeling frustrated. But what does happen... you find a new intimacy with God.

Tonight I left that group feeling like weights were lifted off of me. I had carried burdens that I wasn’t equipped to hold because I wasn’t hungry for God. Since He wasn’t my number one source of strength, He couldn’t give me the strength and desire I so desperately needed.

What I realized... I shouldn’t just read the Bible with a blind eye. I should read the Bible and ask when something doesn’t make since. I shouldn’t just listen to a pastor and not think twice. I should ask how he came to that conclusion. Point being, when you seek you will find. When you seek Christ you will find Him.

I learned at Focus Leadership Institute that we study the Bible much differently in our Western culture. When Jewish boys in the East study the Word they ask a question to their Rabbi. The Rabbi will never answer his question. He responds to the question with another one. That is how they study the Bible. We are so used to being spoon fed and given an acronym for the top five this or the top 10 ways to improve your life...that we never stop and ask the questions ourselves.

The Holy Spirit is here to guide and lead us. He’s not here to be completely understood. If that were true, why would we have any motive to continue seeking, serving and searching for Him?

Don’t be a piece of boring bread. Keep searching. When you find yourself filling unfulfilled, maybe it’s time to pull out your Bible and question something you don’t understand. You may be frustrated, you may want to quit. But as you seek Him you will experience a refreshment in appreciating and loving a mysterious God who wants our attention and pursues our hearts.