April 29, 2009
There is a strange phenomenon going on in my life that is blowing my mind. The life of unemployment... or better known as (in my case)... I have no idea why or what I'm doing here. I'm not writing this to offer some wonderful, spectacular answer to the world but I am here to offer something that most people my age or younger...or maybe even older... are going through; something to relate to.
When I graduated from college, I really wasn't entirely sure what it was that I wanted to "do." I had been offered a job or two with some great organizations but the offer to go to Focus Leadership Institute was my best opportunity to date. I knew that I needed to be there, that God was calling me to soak myself in Truth, in community, in learning. After getting my degree at OSU and a certificate at FLI... and the world at my fingertips... I still couldn't be more lost and confused. It makes me wonder if I could have done something different growing up, or in high school, college or even now. I wonder if i missed some opportunities or some chances to discover some skills and talents. These questions parallel with another big question, a realization if you will; this world is a huge place. We "think" we know what we want to do with our lives ONLY because of the things we know. What about the world out there that we don't know? I've had this desire to work for my home church... yes, I believe I could be incredible at that job... but what if that job had been in another part of the country? I wouldn't have known about it. A simplified way to view potential, discovery, ambition and exploration. What do you do with that?
The bottom line for me is this, I Hate being complacent. I can not stand the thought of just existing... a middle class life... meeting all the expectations of family and friends. I want to do something HUGE! I want to serve God in such a way that makes Him bigger and me smaller. I truly, truly mean this. I can't say that I'm called to missions or that I want to be a Compassion International employee or that I've come up with a great topic to write about that will save millions of people. I'm just working through the condition of my heart, my desire to serve God.
Day in and day out I'm reminded of how frustrated I am with my life. It's hard to wake up in the morning at a decent hour... for what? I don't have a job to go to, I have no responsibilities, no one is counting on me for anything. But what gets me up in the morning is the joy, the absolute privilege of getting to spend time with God. HE'S counting on me. He is who I am ultimately working for no matter if I'm doing the dishes, reading the Bible or tipping the person serving me at Sonic happy hour. He desires my heart. He desires that I trust Him. He desires that I make efforts, be joyful in impossible situations and TRUST Him.
Having a job isn't what defines you.
Being in a relationship isn't what defines you.
Leadership isn't what defines you.
Friends don't define you.
What defines you?
Strip everything from your life and ask yourself that question and see what you come up with. I am going through this process right now. It's dirty. It's messy. It's painful. It's frustrating. But I also know that it's a refining time in my life. I'm no closer to knowing what God has in store for me or what job he will lead me to. What I DO know is the TRUE condition of my heart. Strip everything from me and what is left is this passionate, undeniable, fighting heart that wants to serve Christ in whatever capacity I'm given. I'd say that is what defines me. The mark of Christianity. Make no mistake about it, and I know you won't; I am not a perfect Christian. But I am so hungry and thirsty for even the crumbs that fall from the masters table that I would be grateful for anything He gives me.
To conclude, I would encourage people to do something they've never done before. Missions? Travel? Talk to a homeless person? Volunteer at your church is always a hard but good start. Talk to a stranger? Pray about opportunities and ways that God can open your heart up to the bigger world around you. Don't be complacent. Don't just sit around and wait for something to come to you. Start looking! Pray!!!!! And if you're like me and you really don't have a clue why you exist or what you're supposed to "do" with your life... and you move away to Colorado and you're still not sure... keep praying. And fulfill James 1:27 as much as you can until God directs you to something else (as Pastor Brady wisely advised).
My prayer is for those who are anything like me and need hope, direction and encouragement. Don't give up!!! Perseverance must finish its work so that you may be mature and complete, not lacking in anything (James 1:4).
